Understanding the Window of Tolerance: A Guide to Regulating and Healing
Last updated December 27, 2025
A Practical Guide to Regulating, Healing, and Feeling More Like Yourself
Many people come to therapy feeling overwhelmed, shut down, or confused by their emotional reactions. A foundational part of trauma-informed therapy is learning to notice patterns of dysregulation—and understanding how to gently return to a state where your system feels more balanced and supported.
One of the most helpful frameworks for this is called the Window of Tolerance.
In this guide, we’ll explain:
What the window of tolerance is (in plain language)
What it feels like to be inside or outside of it
How trauma affects the nervous system
Practical ways to begin expanding your window
How therapy can support this process
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash
What Is the Window of Tolerance?
TThe Window of Tolerance is a term coined by Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist and expert in interpersonal neurobiology.
In simple terms, your window of tolerance is the range of nervous system activation where you can function, relate, and respond to life without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.
When you’re within your window:
You can think and feel at the same time
You’re emotionally present
Stress feels manageable (even if it’s uncomfortable)
You can stay connected to yourself and others
Being in your window doesn’t mean you’re calm all the time—it means your system can move through emotions without getting stuck.
What It Feels Like to Be Inside Your Window of Tolerance
When your nervous system is regulated, you might notice:
Emotionally & mentally
Balanced and grounded
Curious rather than reactive
Clear-headed
Able to name boundaries
Emotionally present and empathetic
Physically
More consistent sleep
Improved digestion
Steady heart rate
Energy without feeling wired
Better immune response
Download this here.
Hyperarousal (Fight or Flight)
This is a state of too much activation.
You might experience:
Anxiety or panic
Racing thoughts
Irritability or anger
Restlessness or urgency
Difficulty sleeping
Hypoarousal (Freeze or Shutdown)
This is a state of too little activation.
You might experience:
Numbness or disconnection
Fatigue or heaviness
Brain fog
Withdrawal from others
Feeling “checked out”
Both responses are normal, adaptive survival reactions. They exist to protect us in the face of threat. The challenge arises when these states persist after the danger has passed.
Camille Espinoza, at the Center for Intimacy and Relationships, notes that "the window of tolerance shows up in our relationships, too. Sometimes we get stuck in states of hyperarousal or hypoarousal with a partner, family member, or friend. These cycles can tell us valuable information about our bodies, our histories, and our relationships."
Photo by Ryan Arnst on Unsplash
Trauma and the Window of Tolerance
For individuals with trauma histories—especially developmental or complex trauma—the window of tolerance is often narrower.
This means:
It takes less stress to become overwhelmed or shut down
Emotional reactions may feel sudden or confusing
The body may respond before the mind can make sense of it
Trauma isn’t just what happened to you—it’s also what your system had to adapt to when safety, attunement, or protection were missing.
Importantly:
You are not broken for having a narrow window of tolerance.
Your nervous system learned how to survive. And that same system is also capable of healing and expansion with the right support.
Can the Window of Tolerance Expand?
Yes.
With safe, attuned support, your window of tolerance can widen over time.
Therapy helps by:
Identifying your unique signs of activation and shutdown
Supporting regulation before deep processing
Building internal and external resources
Practicing regulation in relationship (co-regulation)
This is why trauma-informed therapies prioritize pace, safety, and nervous system awareness.
Ready for deeper healing?
If you’ve resonated with this post, you may be a good fit for IFS-informed EMDR therapy designed for people who feel stuck in therapy.
Practical Ways to Support and Expand Your Window of Tolerance
Everyone’s system is different, but here are some gentle starting points:
Grounding Through the Senses
Engage one or more senses intentionally—taste, touch, sight, sound, or smell.
Pause and notice what shifts, even slightly.
Examples:
Warm tea
A soft blanket
Music that feels regulating
Looking at a calming image
Mindful Movement
Different states benefit from different movement:
Hyperarousal → shaking out limbs, slow stretching
Hypoarousal → gentle squeezing, grounding pressure, slow walking
Predictable Routines
Consistency helps the nervous system feel safer.
Bedtime rituals
Regular meals
Small daily pauses
Connection & Co-Regulation
Safe relationships help regulate the nervous system.
Trusted people
Therapy
Supportive groups
You don’t need to do all of these. One or two supportive practices, done consistently, can make a meaningful difference.
How Therapy Supports Nervous System Regulation
At IFS EMDR Therapy Group, nervous system regulation is foundational to our work.
We integrate:
IFS (Internal Family Systems) to build internal safety and self-leadership
Polyvagal-informed pacing and co-regulation
This approach is especially supportive for people who:
Feel stuck despite insight
Become overwhelmed in weekly therapy
Experience shutdown, anxiety, or emotional flooding
Want deeper, more focused healing
⬇️Schedule a free consultation to explore whether this approach is a good fit for you.⬇️
We serve adults in Pennsylvania, Maryland, Washington D.C., Virginia, Georgia, and Florida, with virtual therapy and EMDR intensives available.
If you are in immediate distress, support is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988.
Continue Learning:
How Your Nervous System Influences Your Mental Health
How We Regulate: Using Polyvagal Theory and Somatic Experiencing
Is A Therapy Intensive Right For You? Here’s What to Expect
Authorship: This blog was written by Katy Levine, LMSW. Katy (licensed in Washington, D.C., MD, VA, & PA), focuses on supporting clients with complex trauma history, attachment wounding, anxiety, and perfectionism, using IFS-informed EMDR.
Disclaimer: The information in this blog is provided for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health care nor a recommendation or endorsement for any particular treatment plan, organization, provider, professional service, or product. The information may change without notice. No claims, promises, or guarantees are made about the completeness, accuracy, currency, content or quality of information linked. You assume all responsibility and risk for any use of the information.
IFS EMDR Therapy Group is an outpatient therapy group founded by Morgan Levine. We specialize in helping adults struggling with the effects of living in dysfunctional systems move toward healing and wholeness. We provide therapy to address symptoms such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, grief, obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors including but not limited to using work, perfectionism, substances, relationships, food, etc. We offer ongoing support as well as EMDR intensives; both of which are informed by IFS, EMDR, DBT, CBT, Polyvagal Theory, trauma-informed yoga, attachment, and other recovery principles. Our therapists work virtually with clients living throughout Maryland, Washington D.C., Virginia, Pennsylvania, Colorado and Florida. Morgan Levine also provides trauma-informed consultation to therapists worldwide.
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