Navigating the Complex World of Boundaries: Understanding the Concept of Limits

In the world of mental health, the topic of boundaries holds a significant place. We often hear the term "boundaries," but have you ever considered what they are and how dynamic they can be? Here we introduce the concept of "limits" to describe how boundaries are not set in stone, but rather they can change based on our internal capacity and the external context. In this blog, we will explore boundaries, how they can be both external and internal, and the consequences of having boundaries that are too rigid or too porous.

Boundaries: The Guardians of Our Well-being

Boundaries are the invisible lines that define the limits of our emotional, mental, and physical space. They are the invisible external fences that protect other people from our words and actions and invisible internal fences that protect our well-being and preserve our sense of self. Boundaries serve as essential tools for safeguarding our mental health and the relationships in all areas of our lives.

External Boundaries: Protecting Our Physical and Emotional Space

External boundaries are those that separate us from others and define our personal space from others’ personal space. These can include physical boundaries, like maintaining personal space in crowded places or setting limits on how much physical touch we are comfortable with. They can also describe the words we use and actions we do, or don’t, take. External boundaries also encompass emotional boundaries, such as defining what topics are off-limits for discussion or establishing the extent to which we allow others to influence our feelings. 

When external boundaries are too rigid, we may become isolated and find it challenging to connect with others. On the other hand, when these boundaries are too porous, we may find ourselves overwhelmed by the demands and emotions of others, often at the expense of our own mental health. We may allow others to touch us or speak to us in ways that impact the relationship negatively or we may say or do things that impact the space between us. Yelling, hitting, name calling, or overextending ourselves are examples of poor external boundaries. Striking a balance is key, as external boundaries should be flexible enough to allow for meaningful connections without compromising our well-being.

Internal Boundaries: Protecting Our Inner World

Internal boundaries are the lines that protect our thoughts, feelings, and values. These are essential for maintaining a sense of self and self-identity. For instance, setting internal boundaries can involve recognizing when we need alone time for self-reflection, distinguishing our emotions from those of others, and safeguarding our core values. Internal boundaries can also involve taking in other people's opinions and weighing them against how we think and feel. 

When internal boundaries are overly rigid, we may become inflexible, resistant to change, or emotionally distanced or detached. Conversely, overly porous internal boundaries can lead to emotional overwhelm, poor self-esteem or sense of self, and difficulty discerning our own feelings from those of others. It's crucial to strike a balance by allowing ourselves to be open to growth and change while still preserving our core values and beliefs.

Understanding the Concept of Limits

The concept of "limits'' describes the dynamic element to the active practice of boundaries. Our need for boundaries most often is not fixed but rather fluctuates based on various factors, including our energetic or emotional state, life circumstances, and the nature of our relationships. What we consider acceptable or comfortable in one context might differ from another.

For example, your emotional capacity to engage in deep, empathetic conversations might vary depending on whether you've had a stressful day at work and you have a headache, or if you're feeling relaxed and rested. In the context of an intimate relationship, you might be willing to share more about your feelings when you feel close and safe with someone rather than in the midst of an argument.

Incorporating the idea of limits into our understanding of boundaries allows for greater flexibility and adaptability in our interactions and self-care practices.

Conclusion

Boundaries are crucial for our mental health and well-being, and the concept of "limits" emphasizes their relative nature. Healthy relationships are built upon healthy internal and external boundaries. Setting and maintaining boundaries begins with your relationship to yourself and understanding the dynamic nature of your own limits. 

Looking to get started? We recommend starting with internal boundaries and then moving toward communicating your external limits. Seeking support from a therapist can be very helpful in learning to employ the powerful tool of boundaries and move toward maintaining optimal mental health and building more meaningful connections with others.

Keywords: Boundaries, Limits, Mental Health, Well-being, Internal Boundaries, External Boundaries, Healthy Relationships

*Disclaimer: The information in this blog is provided for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health care nor a recommendation or endorsement for any particular treatment plan, organization, provider, professional service, or product. The information may change without notice. No claims, promises, or guarantees are made about the completeness, accuracy, currency, content or quality of information linked. You assume all responsibility and risk for any use of the information.

IFS EMDR Therapy Group is an outpatient therapy group founded by Morgan Levine. We specialize in helping adults struggling with the effects of living in dysfunctional systems move toward healing and wholeness. We provide therapy to address symptoms such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, grief, obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors including but not limited to using work, perfectionism, substances, relationships, food, etc. We offer ongoing support as well as EMDR intensives; both of which are informed by IFS, EMDR, DBT, CBT, Polyvagal Theory, trauma-informed yoga, attachment, and other recovery principles. Our therapists work virtually with clients living throughout Maryland, Washington D.C., Virginia, Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Florida.  Morgan Levine also provides trauma-informed consultation to therapists worldwide. Connect with us through our website at https://ifsemdrtherapy.com/contact-us.