What's My Family Got to Do with It? - Understanding the Influence of Family Dynamics

When we talk about therapy, it's often a concern and question about why inevitably a therapist will ask about our childhoods and family. Why? Because our childhoods and family dynamics shape how we feel, think, and behave today. 

In this blog we’ll look at this through the lens of Family Systems Theory by Murray Bowen and Internal Family Systems (IFS) by Richard Schwartz. These two models explain how our family systems affect how we feel inside and how we act in the world.

Bowen Family Systems Theory:

Family Systems: Bowen's theory says families are like big puzzles. Each person in the family affects everyone else. A family is like a big team where everyone’s individual moves matter to the other players on the team. As kids, we don’t need someone to tell us the rules of the game (life). We learn by watching the players on our team. Understanding how our family worked back then and works now, helps us understand why we feel, think, and behave the ways we do.

Patterns: Bowen also talks about how things in families tend to happen again and again. If something was hard for our parents, grandparents or great-grandparents, it might affect how we act today. We learn from our families how to deal with emotions, what feelings are ok and not ok, and how to handle problems.  We also have relational patterns or roles. Understanding our family patterns and roles, can also help us understand the roles we played in our families and how we might continue to do that in our adult relationships. 

Internal Family Systems (IFS): 

Inside Us: IFS says we have different parts inside us, like different characters in a story. These parts are connected with every age we’ve ever been and every experience we’ve ever had. Some parts protect us from feeling bad (Protectors), while others hold onto old hurts (Exiles). It's like having a team of players inside us, just like the team of players in our families.

Protecting and Hurting: These parts inside us act a lot like how things work in our families. Some protect us by looking good, other protect us by acting out, and other parts carry hurts and fears. Our inner family is trying to keep us safe at all times. However, sometimes these parts are stuck in past experiences and interacting with the world from an old point of view. This can make us feel stuck in our present day lives. Through IFS, we can understand and eventually help update or unburden parts carrying old hurts or old ways of protecting ourselves.

Putting it All Together: 

By using both Family Systems theory and IFS, we can understand how our families and our inner worlds connect. Seeing these patterns helps us heal in a more complete way. This blog encourages you to think about how your outside family and your inside team of parts affect how you think, feel, and behave today. Talking to a therapist who knows about family dynamics and IFS can be a big help on your journey to feeling better.

*Disclaimer: The information in this blog is provided for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health care nor a recommendation or endorsement for any particular treatment plan, organization, provider, professional service, or product. The information may change without notice. No claims, promises, or guarantees are made about the completeness, accuracy, currency, content or quality of information linked. You assume all responsibility and risk for any use of the information.

IFS EMDR Therapy Group is an outpatient therapy group founded by Morgan Levine. We specialize in helping adults struggling with the effects of living in dysfunctional systems move toward healing and wholeness. We provide therapy to address symptoms such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, grief, obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors including but not limited to using work, perfectionism, substances, relationships, food, etc. We offer ongoing support as well as EMDR intensives; both of which are informed by IFS, EMDR, DBT, CBT, Polyvagal Theory, trauma-informed yoga, attachment, and other recovery principles. Our therapists work virtually with clients living throughout Maryland, Washington D.C., Virginia, Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Florida.  Morgan Levine also provides trauma-informed consultation to therapists worldwide. Connect with us through our website at https://ifsemdrtherapy.com/contact-us.